Forking out

October 29, 2009

Hanging around at Birmingham Airport, so I ordered coffee at Costa. "Chocolate sprinkled on your cappuccino sir?", asked the averagely-friendly barista. "No thanks", I replied, clearly. So he liberally sprinkled chocolate on the cappuccino. A fun moment illustrating human foibles. But the fun was just starting - try walking sensibly to a seat with your coffee cup balanced on one of those stupid saucers that only Costa use - the ones where the centre ring of the saucer is placed off-centre, leaving enough room for a baby-sized cake on one side but making the whole thing frighteningly lopsided.

On board I quickly remembered that these "cheap" flights are an opportunity for the airline to sell like crazy to a captive audience: a bacon baguette, announced the stewardess, "is priced at" £3.70, a hot drink "is priced at" £5. The wording seems to imply that the price is open to negotiation, "We've selected a cheekily high amount, feel free to come in lower".




The great news was that the too-loud-for-so-early-in-the-morning fancy-dress stag party group was on a different flight. The only baby was two rows ahead, bordering on dangerously too close if it started to bawl. But I was equipped with noise-cancelling headphones, earplugs and a grumpy glare - that was bound to do the trick.

British people seem quite attached to their notion of good coffee being a spoonful of instant powder plus luke-warm water added. And they are willing to pay £5 for it, served in a paper cup on board the plane. Virgin Trains are cheeky enough to serve this gruel, too.

I can't believe what airline passengers stuff down their throats as soon as the food and drinks trolley comes round. White wine at 10 am? I mean, really, are they all alcoholics suddenly? Sadly, yes.

I was getting sleepy, but I knew that I mustn't fall asleep - who would be there to fly the plane, to make sure the captain and flight deck crew are paying attention and not undergoing an "interpersonal communication failure experience"?

So I remained on full alert. Should I close the "worried a bit about flying" file I had open in my mind and open the "gosh, isn't technology marvellous" one instead?

Fear of the Web
The night before we left I discovered a number of websites which made me aware of a threat to my safety I would rather have known nothing of: Europe's most viciously aggressive funnel web spider which, to my total discomfort, turns out to be found predominantly in the Nature Park where we hike, Alcornocales, living under the rocks and in fallen logs, those very rocks and logs where we used to plonk down our gear and stretch out to rest and eat. No more.

Click here for my Flickr photos of Andalusia